Humm...Karma?

Just as soon as I muttered the words "I am glad you are my fuck buddy," two days ago to my beau, I started to grow a conscience... I never would have crossed that line and dated my ex husbands friend if I had not thought it was true love. I feel like such a silly little girl, thinking it would be special. That part I have wrapped my head around, after all the less than kind ways He has proven that he just wants something simple. Sex without commitment, with lots of people. I have to say that normally I am a one woman, one man type of girl and that is what is so exciting about trying something new that makes me slightly uncomfortable.

But three months into it (and right on time may I add according to psychiatrists) the rose colored glasses may be coming off and revealing the harsh reality of what I have done. I can never go back and undo this final act of desecration of my marriage. I've dated the one man he asked me not to. Granted, I did it because no one owns any person and it has been five years since I was married. Plus I NEVER heard from my daughter that they were friends anymore, even when I asked if daddy ever has friends over. So I thought it was relatively safe to proceed with my new life. He didn't even mention my ex once till we were dating for about a month and then it was casually thrown into a conversation about why I wasn't aware ten years ago about the major benefits of spending minor money for a top shelf drink at a club to avoid a raging hangover... True on the night he first came over he mentioned that they were friends still in a text, but I didn't know if that meant aquaintences or BFF's. I hardly ever even speak to my ex, come to find out he texts and phones him regularly. They still have a relationship where he and I do not. Just like with my now ex best friend. She and I had the committed friendship where he and I did not have a commitment at all and I held her responsible for engaging in conversation (and whatever else) with him behind my back.

A pattern is emerging here. He looks less than perfect and it looks like I got my karma back for the whole best friend thing. Touche.

He wonders were I have gone (mentally) and I wonder how I ever got here (with the wool over my eyes).

Note to self: proceed with caution. Danger, danger. Self loving, back stabbing, adulterous close at hand...