Lost in Los Angeles

I see young couples just starting out and I wonder where my own life went so wrong. Clearly youth played a strong role in my marital missteps and clearly half of all couples won't make it to their 50 year anniversary either...but still I am envious at the hope and promise in their eyes, muddled by love.

I wonder why I am alone. I am young and beautiful, so I am told. Maybe my mother was right and I WILL end up a lonely old lady if I don't change my ways. That is just what ever child/teenager/young women needs to hear...from her lonely old mother. But, I'm not bitter...she doesn't know what she's talking about... clearly! Hahaha...

Maybe it's where I live. Lost in Los Angeles...floating on a sea of people, I cling to my life raft that is a mobile home in the mountains and a hand full of wonderfully spread out good friends...and wonder where all the good men have gone. I know they are around here somewhere...

No stone left unturned in my quest for true love. I have taken to extinguishing old flames of late...making sure that I walk to the end of every path I started down at some point in the distant past. There will be no unanswered questions when I am finished. I like to think of it as cleaning house to make room for my future.

I truly believe that the men I have chosen have been relatively good men. I'm starting to think that ALL men lie to get what they want. A lot of women do too. I'm just not one of them so it's hard to relate with them on that level. It sounds almost unfair to assume that they all do it, but in my inexperience and nievete', I have found it to be a harsh reality.

I am open minded but lies I will never understand. Tell me the ugly truth and I will know your beauty from this act. Lie to me and I will see the ugliness in you always. Don't keep me to yourself and share yourself with whomever you please. Two can play that game if we both know the rules.

So I stay in this mating game. Nurturing my hope and quieting my doubts until men give themselves away for who they really are or my knight and shining armor waltzes in and takes out the competition. I'll be here, holding my own. You'll have to pry my cold fingers off my dreams before I give them up...to anyone.

Nothing less than the best is where my sights are set and even if I have to kiss a thousand frogs, I will find my prince that wants to look at me through muddled eyes and set me in my castle.

Boys to Men ABC

Why is it that people always want what they can't have? I consider it a sign of unhealthiness on one hand, but realize we are all guilty to some extent of partaking in the behavior of posessiveness and longing to one degree or another. I've heard of men who actually verbally thank all the fatherless women out there, for all the benefits of abandonment.

Then there are the women who constantly seek power over those same men through sexual prowness. Cougars, they are sometimes called, Cheetahs in younger years.

When my man (of the moment) isn't acting right, I treat him like a rubber band. I pull back and shoot him away from me just to watch him come back with speed because he is not getting the attention he is use to. Suddenly he is out there in the ether wondering how he ended up there so quickly. And as fast as he went out, he comes back. With More Power Than Before!!!

It's a sad joke I play on them like hiding the cheese from the little rats.

But they seem to LOVE the game.

When we stop giving it to them they become complacent, bored and curious.

So, for as long as I am searching for a man of equal moral stature, I will keep them entertained in their own moral warfare that they have invented and mastered. I will give them what they want, until they stop wanting to play like boys and act more like men.