Holiday Surprise

I met my player at his corporate apartment in our hometown over the holidays... I was totally ready to show up in just my long white coat and cowboy boots till he told me he had a suprise for me... another girl.

If he hadn't tried to fuck my best friend, I might not have been totally turned off by this.

But he did and I was.

So after I told him I wasn't into the idea he told me he was just joking anyway.

And I showed up fully clothed.

His loss.

When he opened the door (after acknowledging my outfit) he pointed out that it is just like in L.A., only a different front door in a different city. Very exciting for us both, I see. I love the idea of meeting different lovers in different cities. Very hot.

After a while of getting reconnected, he informed me that he thought we should have a re-enactment. But this time I should go into the bedroom and take my real surprise out of the nightstand drawer and put it on under my coat... I loved it! The mystery, the direction!

The Victoria's Secret waiting for me in the drawer was a welcome surprise and very sexy... and I wore it with confidence... for about a minute!

I really enjoy our times together. It's just too bad they are so few and far between.

Really?

I think it is painfully ironic that the one man who I thought upon meeting was THE ONE turns out to be the guy who up until very recently thought every woman that he dated was THE ONE. Until he got sick of having his heart broken and I guess decided to stop being nieve and start being a playboy.

A mutual friend of ours was over last night and we were lamenting about how horrible dating in L.A. is. Well, at least I was lamenting... He being a male is quite satisfied with the plentitude of sex without commitment that abounds around here and is looking forward to welcoming his 40's with a self inflicted newly single lifestyle. He is a prime example of the men in L.A. He loves his girlfriend but never wanted to be married and can not stand the thought of turning 40 in such a marriage like relationship.

I have always wanted to ask him why my player is such a playboy but without drawing attention to our secret relationship. Aparently he hasn't seen the "new and improved" dating technique our friend has employed. He only knows the guy who his girlfriend had to field questions from ALL the TIME about dating and why women were such (fill in the blank)... I knew it! Something changed him into a cold hearted heart breaker and it wasn't that long ago. When he speaks about his old girlfriend who moved in with him I can hardly believe that he is the same guy, that he would ever let anyone in that close.

My loss... I get the version of the same guy who doesn't want to have a relationship right now, that just wants to focus on his career so he can retire in the next ten years a very wealthy man (I hope he makes it, cause at least he can buy love if it comes down to it. Otherwise he will be lonely and old with fewer choices when he is finally ready to open his heart.) I remind him it is the journey, not the destination that really matters and I for one want to share the journey with someone special.

This is clearly an example of being a day late and a dollar short for the fulfillment of my favorite and longest lasting fantasy. I know everything happens for a reason and I will one day understand all of this... but for now I will enjoy the emotional roller coaster it is since I am so interested in the journey anyway.

Humm...Karma?

Just as soon as I muttered the words "I am glad you are my fuck buddy," two days ago to my beau, I started to grow a conscience... I never would have crossed that line and dated my ex husbands friend if I had not thought it was true love. I feel like such a silly little girl, thinking it would be special. That part I have wrapped my head around, after all the less than kind ways He has proven that he just wants something simple. Sex without commitment, with lots of people. I have to say that normally I am a one woman, one man type of girl and that is what is so exciting about trying something new that makes me slightly uncomfortable.

But three months into it (and right on time may I add according to psychiatrists) the rose colored glasses may be coming off and revealing the harsh reality of what I have done. I can never go back and undo this final act of desecration of my marriage. I've dated the one man he asked me not to. Granted, I did it because no one owns any person and it has been five years since I was married. Plus I NEVER heard from my daughter that they were friends anymore, even when I asked if daddy ever has friends over. So I thought it was relatively safe to proceed with my new life. He didn't even mention my ex once till we were dating for about a month and then it was casually thrown into a conversation about why I wasn't aware ten years ago about the major benefits of spending minor money for a top shelf drink at a club to avoid a raging hangover... True on the night he first came over he mentioned that they were friends still in a text, but I didn't know if that meant aquaintences or BFF's. I hardly ever even speak to my ex, come to find out he texts and phones him regularly. They still have a relationship where he and I do not. Just like with my now ex best friend. She and I had the committed friendship where he and I did not have a commitment at all and I held her responsible for engaging in conversation (and whatever else) with him behind my back.

A pattern is emerging here. He looks less than perfect and it looks like I got my karma back for the whole best friend thing. Touche.

He wonders were I have gone (mentally) and I wonder how I ever got here (with the wool over my eyes).

Note to self: proceed with caution. Danger, danger. Self loving, back stabbing, adulterous close at hand...

Casual Sex

I'm reading Diary of a Sex Fiend. God, I love this lady. Abby Lee. Probably isn't even her real name, she's hiding her true identity. Well, at least those of her conquests. She thinks about sex as much as a man, I am sure, but experiences it as openly and unabashedly as only few of us do if we are lucky enough to find that right person who enjoys giving and receiving pleasure and trying ANYTHING with us. God bless that union. I hope everyone experiences it at least once in their life, if not as often as possible. This woman does (and so, currently, do I. Thank you Jesus).

I have to admit that I am very pleased to have such a wonderful fuck buddy and have accepted his role in my life as such a pleasure bringer. Pleasure mixed with pain is a wonderfully sinful aphrodisiac, and I am gleefully addicted to this cocktail. I love knowing that whatever I can dream up, he will try or arrange. Nothing is off limits. And when he touches me I melt, quite literally, in his hand. Everything about him turns me on. And it's not that he is even that good looking. I mean, I have always thought he was, but my friends do not agree and sometimes I catch a glimpse of him and think, what is it about him that drives me wild?

I have narrowed it down to five things.

1. Forbidden fruit never tasted so sweet (though least likely).

2. Love at first sight/soul mate recognition (even if it's not forever, he had me at hello.)

3. Fantasizing over him for years and imagining him to perfection in his absence. Now that I have him I enjoy every electrifying moment.

4. The shape of his member, satisfyingly gratifying...

5. His subtle scent, animalistic as it is (most likely).

All I know for sure is that I am thankful for this gift from the Gods that we get the chance to be together when I am in my sexual prime. We have history, he lives down the street (10 miles is relevant here in Los Angeles), he makes me cum and he gives me space. This could quite possibly be the perfect relationship for me at this time.

Dear Abby pointed out the obvious tonight. Never have casual sex with someone you want a relationship with. Well, I have always been unconventional and am such with current affair... It probably wouldn't be a good idea for us to come out to the world anyway since I found out he and my ex really are best friends and my ex wasn't just saying that so I wouldn't date him.

So we have fantastic sex when he is not out of town working freelance and I get to reflect on it all and explore new adventures while he is away. One crazy sex filled and sleep deprived week on, three quiet drama free weeks off... we have our own weird balance and it works for now.

Little Love

Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. And in my case I almost always do... so I must ask carefully. Growing up I always wanted my mom and dad back together. It wasn't until I was 29 and on our first family vacation EVER that I realized exactly what kind of emotional torture I was spared by my parents separating when they did. Even though, I spent my whole young life wanting it to be different in my ignorance of the truth, and vowed not to ever subject my child to the sense of loss that I knew only too well. I would stay with my child's father, no matter what.

But when that choice came in my early twenties and I decided to marry the one man who had ever been nice to me in my short life, I realized how small my thinking had been and how long the rest of my life was going to be, unhappy as it was, loveless as it was. With my beautiful little daughter in my arms I cried so many, many nights and wondered what would be better? An unhappy mother in a loveless marriage, or a happy single mother who deals with all the stress life would undoubtly throw her, on her own, as always, even as alone as I felt in marriage.

Much like chewing off my leg to save my own life from the trap I was in, I left him in a foreign land with no relatives and no money. Anything had to be better than the way I felt with him. He said he would tell her that I left him when she was old enough and I told him I would tell her myself.

Now that she is eight and five years have passed since it was completely over, she cries regularly for us to be back to the way we were when she was a baby. To have a "normal" family.

It is like a knife through the heart every single time.

I cry, she cries and I tell her that there is no such thing as "normal". That I was unhappy and would not be the same mommy if I were with daddy.

My own childhood nightmare plays out over and over.

I tell her one day she will understand.

And it all sounds so callous.

For a moment I imagine how it could be again. But that imagination is exactly what got me married to someone who wasn't what I wanted in the first place. He was a version of a man I knew he COULD be. But the two are very different as I am learning even today in my present relationships. Expectation is the enemy. Reality is the fact and rarely do the two ever meet.

I tell her there are many kinds of families. Some have two daddies and no mommies. Some have a mommy, a grandma and a baby. All that really matters is that we love and respect each other and we see how we feel when we are together.

It is SO not fair for her.

I think about going back and giving up the struggles of single motherhood. But it is my dreams that I am not willing to surrender and the hope that keeps me strong when she and I are both weak and tired of being alone. I wonder if I will ever find a man that is worthy and wants to stand with me. But I always remember that I am happier than ever, in touch with my own needs more than ever... and in nine years she will be out of the nest and I will still be young. It sounds so selfish but if I do not save myself, who will? Do I want to go back for nine years plus the rest of my life? It sounded like a sentence then and it still does, life imprisonment. But to her the next nine years are an eternity.

I don't know what to tell her but the truth, as always. I try to sugar coat it and hope it goes down easy. There is little else I can do but hold her and show her what a strong woman who is self preserving looks like.

I hope she understands....

Musing...

It is WAY tooo quiet around here without my muse. As crazy as he makes me, I love it. The ups and downs are addicting. When I went in to get a mental check up with my therapist who has known me for years and throughout my entire Mr. Right gone Wrong obsession, I was suprised that she gave me the go ahead to date him in spite of our dramas. She reminded me of how long I had loved him and related it to a woman who carries a baby for nine months only to give birth to it and find out that it has a defect. It doesn't matter that everyone else thinks it is dysfunctional and she should get another one, she loves HER baby, flaws and all. Then she asked me if I knew which mouse in a game used to get them through a maze is better trained, the one who gets a treat every time it makes it to the end of the maze or the one who gets a treat randomly? The one who makes it to the end of the maze, I thought. Wrong. The one who gets a random treat.

So go ahead and date him, it may not be forever, but as long as I date other people too, I can savor my precious and slightly dysfunctional little suckling.

I have turned into SUCH a homebody... it's Saturday night and I am childless, yet here I sit happy as can be, self indulging in music, puppies, drama and words.

One of my best friends is in Vegas, the other studying for finals. One of my men in Switzerland and the other in New York.

Truth be told, the man I would love to spend all of my time with is the furthest away with no intent to bring us together. So I fill my time with the long awaited love of a different sort. It is a union that I waited for SO long to have, that it is still hard to get my mind around the fact that I have the shell of a relationship of which I wanted the heart of. I have learned the coarse and callous way that what we have is JUST sex. I was in love with a man who does not exist. The man I loved couldn't have me because he was my husbands best friend. In my mind he was a noble man of character, restraining himself for all those years even after our divorce was final. Until the day, the third unexpected run-in in one year, that he couldn't hold himself back anymore and we struck up an email courtship that lead to ecstasy at long last. And it was GOOD. The years of desire poured forth between us and the electricity that had always been palpable was united. And I thought it was going to be true love like I'd always imagined.

You can imagine my dissapointment when the next day he asked me what I was looking for. I thought it was a joke. I told him what everyone else is... someone to enjoy life with, duh! Dun, dun, duuuun.... Why? What are you looking for?... OH! If only I was good at reading between the lines (and not such a blurry eyed and nieve romantic) I would have heard him say that he really just wants to "see what happens between us" while he continues to sleep with copious amounts of (other) people. And if I was interested in asking any of my friends to join us, that would be even better. At which point he did that, on his own, with my soon to be ex-best friend.

Well, you know what they say. If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.

If I was ever going to explore the depths of my sexuality with anyone, who better than my ex-husbands sex addicted best friend whom I've obsessed over for years anyway. It's not like we are going to walk down the isle or anything. Gosh Wally, I was so nieve... Fuck... Hum, now there's a good idea. We'll fuck.

My man is 6,000 miles away and we are not committed. Here I have a man down the street whom I have fantasized about for years and wants to fuck me with no strings attached.

If I can get over the loss of either temporarily I can enjoy both of them all the time.

I just have to get out of my own way and get smart about casual sex. Mainly stop being so self indulgent and take the upper hand with this player who plays me and leaves me feeling disrespected and pissed. Who the hell is he? I am the one who has what he wants. I need to give the little rat a treat now and then so he keeps going through the maze and I have him just where I want him. Either in the palm of my hand or me in the palm of his, being rubbed just the way I like it.

Too little, too late.

Oh my god, I was beginning to feel like a little bit of a twit there for a second as I couldn't find a way in to post on my own damn blog! Their little sneaky random sign in is to blame... definately NOT the wine...

So my muse left town with out: 1. Properly shagging me till I came more than once, and 2. Taking a large quantity of my initial attraction to him with him.

He's so blind he can't even see the forest for the trees.... he had the nerve to ask if I missed him... the day after he left, two days after he "came" and went, so to speak....Of course I asked him what was to miss? The long romantic walks on the beach? The pillow talk? The exciting suprise dates???? And of course he replied... the couch, the bar stool, the back seat... Sooo romantic. I asked him, "Don't you have a car to go wash or some 'me time' to spend on someone you really cared about, like yourself?"....To that I got a "huh?" Couldn't play any dumber than that... Ignorance is NO excuse for bad behavior. Especially from a southern raised gentleman. He can play dumb all day long but he is playing with the girl next door and I know all the games.

The next time he reached out to me he had the nerve to ask, "Dinner and a porno when I get back?" WOW! He really knows how to woo a girl, even just a "fuck buddy" (as he so gracefully ordained me) should feel special on such a propositioned occasion.

Not at ALL what I was hoping for, BUT when the gods give you lemons, make lemonade.

I think I'll let him run loose for a while on his business travels back to his hometown and all the while keep sticking my big toe into to dating pool. The trouble is, the pool is overcrowded with guys who don't even know how to float, unless their big egos keeps their heads above water.

Saturday Sex

It's clear the relationship I am having will never work. I'm his best friends ex wife and he's already tried to sleep with my best friend. What a reel catch! He only wants what he can't have... like my married best friend or his best friends wife. Classy... I was willing to make excuses for "us" because I thought it was some star crossed romance long before Brad and Angelena entered into theirs. We embodied the idea of soul mates and for years I fantasized about him. Much to my suprise once I finally got to have him, all he wanted was sex. Figures.

My mom spoke what I was thinking yesterday. She said, "Mia and I know what a wonderful person you are, why can't these men see it?" I don't know. Maybe I'm not really wonderful and my family is just biased. Or maybe these men are scared little pussies, scrambling to make something of themselves and too self absorbed to love anyone but themselves. All I know is that I am tired of it. Where do I have to go for a man who will love me? I think the endearing name of our city lost a t at the end and should rightfully be called the city of Lost Angels. Good boys go to heaven and bad boys go to Los Angeles.

This man actually had the nerve to give me two options today. Cum over this morning and have sex... or meet up for lunch and do it in the afternoon. Being the greedy little sex fiend that I am, I chose both. But to my suprise after we finished the first round he plainly told me he had to go and wash his car, he'd see me later. I was shocked. Was he insinuating I leave? I asked him, "Can't I go with you?" and he said no, there are things he needs to do, alone. "But I have gone with you before, what is the problem?" He informed me he wouldn't even go there. "Where?" I was thinking... I couldn't believe he was going to fuck me and then ask me to leave. I told him that this was low, even for him. What was so important that I couldn't go along as usual? Getting his car cleaned? I am never off on a Saturday and thought we were going to spend it together when we agreed to have sex in the morning and afternoon. Arhhhggghhhgg.....

So being the mature and wise woman I pretend to be, after I'd left him, I broke up with him in a text message.... Take that !!!! He responded, "Wow! Thanks..." I told him to thank himself and asked him if he felt unappreciated.

See, to his immature mind this is all some big misunderstanding (like when he was trying to fuck my best friend), but the reality for me is that even if he needed some "me time" as he put it, one puts their own needs aside for their friends and lovers when times call for it. It's called being flexible, thoughtful, considerate. It is rare that I have a Saturday free, he could take his "me time" tomorrow when I have to work, but these thoughts do not cross through his selfish little mind.

Already I regret cutting him off, he brings me so much adrenaline and mischief, pleasure and pain... I love not knowing where the next fix will come from. I am rethinking my next move even now... if my true love knew how I let this guy treat me he would lose all respect for me. But then again he is 6,000 miles away with no plans to bring us together so....

Here I am..... alone again, naturally.

Mummy or Daughter????

Dating in LA is SO freaking wierd.... my mom and I are carbon copies of each other and have been since my birth. So much so strangers actually FREAK out in random bathrooms and bars. Tonight just exemplified what I have know, and brought it into our faces without want now that we are on the same playing field of love.... I remember the day that my mom pointed out that I was not a little girl anymore by the way the grown me were checking me out.

My mom and I are the best of friends and unlikely as it seems we have never been on the same competitive dating field until now.

One knows she is getting old when she has to do the math to discover if her beau is closer to her mothers age or hers. Men in their 40's have previously fallen into my mother's dating category but as times change, they become my prime candidates too. It is all getting so muttled.

Thus brings us to where we find ourselves tonight.... too late to catch the sold our drama at the local theatre, mummy and I make our way to dear ol' El Torito where we she makes friends with a handsome and slightly older Mexican in my absence to the bathroom. He sends her a drink, but wait, he can not believe the similarity between the two of us. Wow. He smooozes us both. He even has the nerve to ask us both out. That is when I tell him in my raspy voice that he should be asking her, all the while advising her to only give him her phone number and leave the rest up to him.

At this point I realize that I have to loan all of my dating books to my mom.... what not to divulge on the first few dates, etc.... We all do shots yet I keep this guys stare under lock and key and mami lets loose.

It's been a while.... She will learn. We leave the place after she tells him how loaded we will one day be and I tell her how absolutely important it is to NOT tell strangers that!

The whole way home she rants to herself how only her blood relatives will get her money and I fantasize about getting laid properly.....

We all have our priorities...

Hot single woman wants someone to enjoy life with...

These men are making me crazy! Hot single woman wants someone to enjoy life with... How hard is it to find a handsome, funny, emotionally and financially stable respondent? I'll tell you why it is almost impossible... people want what they can not have. It's the tarnished rule of life. Far from golden, it is still an inevitable truth. I refuse to be anything less than real and that doesn't play well in the dating game. The ultimate and sad reality is I among my fellow women, will hold onto a dream only as long as I can and when I give up, the man of my dreams will realize what he had and lost and only then will he want it, just as soon as it's gone. That is why it is unfortunate but true that more women than men file for divorce... We do have a limit to our unconditional love and patience. So consider yourself warned. I speak for my sisters... give us what we deserve, while we still want it. Or live with your losses.

Mr. Right Now

The relationship I am having with Mr. Right Now is starting to remind me of the same chaos and danger associated with my post high school drug dealing boyfriend. Our mothers use to say we were like nito and glycerine when we were together and once again I have the same taste of out of controlled excitement on my lips. It tastes so sweet I can't stop licking them, even though it makes me sick to my stomach.

We met out for a burlesque show in Hollywood Tuesday night and ended up getting drunk and DOWN on the dancefloor!!! Sooo much fun! The next thing I knew we were in the back seat of his car getting HOT and heavy, steaming up the windows and having the best drunk sex I've had in a very long time. That is until he tried, on multiple occasions, to make a forced and uninvited back door entry... at which point I shoved him off me and told him, "no means no! UGH!"

That's when I threw on my clothes and realized in the chaos I had lost my I.D., cash and car key! ... Ouch... We sobered up real quick backtracking first the area around the car (where we found my lacy black thong which he quickly claimed and deposited into his pocket) and further down the trail back to the closed down club. No luck...

We realized that I would have to make the trek back to Hollywood in the morning and headed to eat at Swinger's, appropriately named for patrons like us.

The next day, no thanks to him... 2 taxis, 2 bus rides and $200 later I got into my car and kissed my losses goodbye.

I take every day at face value with this guy.

He has made it clear that sex and good times are all he is interested in... and for the moment that is enough for me. But because he has shown me what he is capable of in the form of deceit and selfishness, I am not sure how long the good times will sustain us.

I am beginning to realize that I really feel best with a man in my life. Not because I need one, but because I enjoy one... But when the pain starts to out way the pleasure it is time to pull the plug.

So we will see how long we let the good times roll for....

It makes me sad that after waiting so long to finally date this guy (6 years) that all he is interested in is sex.

Oh well. There are plenty of fish in the sea and I am a very good at fishing... I bet you hundreds of dollars that he will come running when he finds out I am moving on. Bet me. Come on, I dare you.

Say What?

It is pretty sad that Mr. Right has fallen from grace and is only Mr. Right Now from now on. It seems his playful suggestion that we have a threesome with my hot bff/neighbor who is MARRIED turned serious behind my back and I caught the two moral-less sex addicts talking (and who really knows what else) much to my displeasure.

I told her that I expected this of him, but she was suppose to be my best friend. Men like him will cum and go, but women should stick together.

So I had to let her go.

But it wasn't a complete loss... I decided I couldn't take losing both of them at once and anyway, I want to be the one to decide when it's over between me and him. Maybe even hurt him the way he hurt me... So I kept him around for my enjoyment. I told him that I am just using him for sex now. It will never be beautiful or special between us again, he cut the legs out from under whatever "this" is... Since he is so freaking scared of commitment or titles. He pretty much squelched any hope of a future now... Mission accomplished, well done son.

So we are dating with wild abandonment when he is not traveling for work, I just hope he doesn't kill me with a S.T.D. or knock me up before I tire of the excitement.

I told him he broke my heart. It is such a shame that I have wanted to get to know him for so long and this is how I find out who he really is. He feels it was just a misunderstanding and tries to remind me of my part of the initial fantasy. But I remind him that I clearly said, "This will never REALLY happen because she is MARRIED, and I actually like and respect her husband, unlike you and her."

I have no idea where this crash course is headed, but I like the uncharted territory and the wild ride.

Lost in Los Angeles

I see young couples just starting out and I wonder where my own life went so wrong. Clearly youth played a strong role in my marital missteps and clearly half of all couples won't make it to their 50 year anniversary either...but still I am envious at the hope and promise in their eyes, muddled by love.

I wonder why I am alone. I am young and beautiful, so I am told. Maybe my mother was right and I WILL end up a lonely old lady if I don't change my ways. That is just what ever child/teenager/young women needs to hear...from her lonely old mother. But, I'm not bitter...she doesn't know what she's talking about... clearly! Hahaha...

Maybe it's where I live. Lost in Los Angeles...floating on a sea of people, I cling to my life raft that is a mobile home in the mountains and a hand full of wonderfully spread out good friends...and wonder where all the good men have gone. I know they are around here somewhere...

No stone left unturned in my quest for true love. I have taken to extinguishing old flames of late...making sure that I walk to the end of every path I started down at some point in the distant past. There will be no unanswered questions when I am finished. I like to think of it as cleaning house to make room for my future.

I truly believe that the men I have chosen have been relatively good men. I'm starting to think that ALL men lie to get what they want. A lot of women do too. I'm just not one of them so it's hard to relate with them on that level. It sounds almost unfair to assume that they all do it, but in my inexperience and nievete', I have found it to be a harsh reality.

I am open minded but lies I will never understand. Tell me the ugly truth and I will know your beauty from this act. Lie to me and I will see the ugliness in you always. Don't keep me to yourself and share yourself with whomever you please. Two can play that game if we both know the rules.

So I stay in this mating game. Nurturing my hope and quieting my doubts until men give themselves away for who they really are or my knight and shining armor waltzes in and takes out the competition. I'll be here, holding my own. You'll have to pry my cold fingers off my dreams before I give them up...to anyone.

Nothing less than the best is where my sights are set and even if I have to kiss a thousand frogs, I will find my prince that wants to look at me through muddled eyes and set me in my castle.

Boys to Men ABC

Why is it that people always want what they can't have? I consider it a sign of unhealthiness on one hand, but realize we are all guilty to some extent of partaking in the behavior of posessiveness and longing to one degree or another. I've heard of men who actually verbally thank all the fatherless women out there, for all the benefits of abandonment.

Then there are the women who constantly seek power over those same men through sexual prowness. Cougars, they are sometimes called, Cheetahs in younger years.

When my man (of the moment) isn't acting right, I treat him like a rubber band. I pull back and shoot him away from me just to watch him come back with speed because he is not getting the attention he is use to. Suddenly he is out there in the ether wondering how he ended up there so quickly. And as fast as he went out, he comes back. With More Power Than Before!!!

It's a sad joke I play on them like hiding the cheese from the little rats.

But they seem to LOVE the game.

When we stop giving it to them they become complacent, bored and curious.

So, for as long as I am searching for a man of equal moral stature, I will keep them entertained in their own moral warfare that they have invented and mastered. I will give them what they want, until they stop wanting to play like boys and act more like men.

Here It Goes...

Ok,

Here it goes...I am stepping out of hiding and into the light. I allow you to join me on this ride, crazy as it will be. I can't keep these things to myself anymore...Welcome to my world, crazy and exciting as it is....