Fuck, I'm so tired of all this moving around.

Life is pretty fucking crazy. I went from restless college student/single mom, to European romance/ending oh-so-quickly, to live aboard boat dweller temporarily till I thought I settled into my house in Venice. Only to discover it is rotting away with toxic black mold.

Here we go again.

Back to restless single mom living in the country....

Half time in Austin, half time in the country??? Why not?? My daughter is with her pops half time. Why not be with my man half time? Can I afford it? That is the real question. With the state of affairs at work, most likely, not.

I SO want to say FUCK IT ALL. Or where I come from: FUCK ALL YA'LL.

I'd move to Austin with the finest man I have ever met and bring my daughter with me if they'd let me. But that would be selfish for her. Right? She needs her dad.

Sigh....

No wonder I am so restless. Even I want to settle down and can't find the place to do it. Would someone just marry me and knock me up? That seemed to work before. If only he'd been prepared for the responsibility.

Arggghhh.

Home, sweet home.

So, after many long months away, on my best behavior, I am back. Single as ever. My Swiss man proved his priorities were far too different and self serving than mine and I had to give him away. Only after selling everything, subletting my place in the hills and moving for one short month to Europe. Only to find I have made far too many sacrifices and he has made none.

So I'm back. With more power than before.

I got an amazing cottage in Venice and have been sampling the local cuisine. Of men, that is. So many boys, so little time. Really, they are all boys around here, even the old ones. Who can blame them? The city of lost angeles houses the largest adult playground with one beauty after another around every corner. No wonder they do not settle down. It's hard enough to make dinner plans around here in case something better comes up. Imagine actually committing!

I went on three amazing dates in three days with a chap I met on Match.com. Then he never called me again. No surprise, I guess. Except I was completely surprised. The only excuse for his disappearance at this point would be a very long coma. Sadly all the women I have shared this story with are all to familiar with how it played out. I'd like to give him a piece of my mind but don't want to waste my time or energy seeking him out.

Lucky for me Texas holds the full house when it comes to gentlemen. And even luckier to call it home. I think it's a little bit culture, a little bit lifestyle and a whole lot of family values that makes people there so genuine. I've found a diamond, if we can make the distance dissappear. One way or another, I'm going home.

Luv it here.

This is the Harry Potter stage in my life where I pay astronomical rent and sleep in the pull out under my daughter's Captain's bunk bed.

It's so romantic. And yes, I have rocked that angle with willing partners. Gotta love Venice, CA and the men who inhabit it.

My dating life consists of an old friend from high school who wines, dines and 69's me better than anyone, and my ex husbands fiance's ex boyfriend. Sweet. What goes around cums around. She has my ex and I have hers.

Retribution paid for undeserving dislike, until now.

And the best part is: we have the best chemistry of anyone I've ever been with. Electrifying. "The fire that burns twice as bright burns half as long" is the piece of wisdom that compels me to pursue something that is obviously a bad idea but worth its weight in sexual gold. I'll ride this one out, so to speak. Let the pieces fall where they may. Heartbreak central.

My favorite mistake

My favorite mistake is coming home soon. Neither of us know when, but at least he is back in this country. It seems I can't get enough from him. Or maybe I am just lonely and he the least threatening to my international love affair. Between the sex that he gives me and the love of the other, I can patch my needs together and frankenstein myself a real boyfriend.

The secret is ask and ye shall receive, the universe always provides. Maybe not in the way we want, but in the way we need.

I never in a million years would have thought my favorite obsession would become my emotionally detached fuck buddy.

Life IS like a box of chocolates...

Respect is burning, Los Angeles is sleeping

I've resorted to trolling the internet for potential mates... how sad is that? My Swiss boyfriend is less that motivated to visit me and my American lover is away again on business.

We are running out of steam anyway. The last time we were together he noticed that I was not as turned on as usual and I haven't cum in the last 4 or 5 times we have been together. Respect is my lube and we're running out of both. I guess that's what happens when things fall apart.

Oh well. Times is tuff. Gotta do what I gotta do.

Move over bacon, now there's something meatier...

I have a confession to make. I have been having an affair, for the last three years. My most recent conquest was a long lost love I was hoping to fill the void my Swiss lover left... Impossible.

The (real) man of my dreams (at least my fantasies) lives 6,000 miles away in Switzerland. We met in Spain on vacation and a transcontinental love affair ensued over the last three years. I was loyal the whole time we were together. I have to admit, I was totally in love, with the man and the myth. The whole tragically romantic love affair divided by time and space resonated deep within the little girl in me that always wants what she can not have.

When we meet it is intensely romantic and fiercely real. As he puts it, we go from 0-100 all at once. We are faced with loving the person we have gotten to know the old fashion way, through talking over many months without the modern conveinence of love making, while at the same time adjusting to the relationship strains of something as simple as just getting ready to go out at the same time, sharing the same space. I know in my heart I love him, time and distance has proved that is true. I fear reality is too harsh to nurture my dreams and even if one of us were willing to throw our lives as we know it off the cliffs and move in with the other, could it really work? Am I capable of loving someone completely? Or am I cursed to be in love with one fantasy after another, never able to bridge the gap between fact and fiction?

Holiday Surprise

I met my player at his corporate apartment in our hometown over the holidays... I was totally ready to show up in just my long white coat and cowboy boots till he told me he had a suprise for me... another girl.

If he hadn't tried to fuck my best friend, I might not have been totally turned off by this.

But he did and I was.

So after I told him I wasn't into the idea he told me he was just joking anyway.

And I showed up fully clothed.

His loss.

When he opened the door (after acknowledging my outfit) he pointed out that it is just like in L.A., only a different front door in a different city. Very exciting for us both, I see. I love the idea of meeting different lovers in different cities. Very hot.

After a while of getting reconnected, he informed me that he thought we should have a re-enactment. But this time I should go into the bedroom and take my real surprise out of the nightstand drawer and put it on under my coat... I loved it! The mystery, the direction!

The Victoria's Secret waiting for me in the drawer was a welcome surprise and very sexy... and I wore it with confidence... for about a minute!

I really enjoy our times together. It's just too bad they are so few and far between.